self

Here is the deal. You are not borne diligent. So you must work to cultivate the habit. That means, you must work against your instinct nature, because you are naturally lazy. Once you have the doubt, think about jogging: yes, it is painful to do it, but it is even more painful to regret. Given the two evils, pick the lesser.

The main reason of depression is the loss of hope, not just the on-going reality. To get out depression, you must act, no matter how discomfort it is. The tolerance of discomfort is one quality you must develop.

Keep that in mind.

Advertisements

Plan month 16.251.

[LIFE]
    build 10h routine: learn 1h, exercise 1h, work 6h, read 1h, and write 1h;
    write a post per day;
    find C a job;
    home deco: finish order furniture, by 1.31.2017;
    call mom once a week;
    plan the trip next month;
    car service, 4h;
    clean up the closet, 4h;
    clean up the house, 4h;
    clean up the mails, 2h;

[HEALTH]
    pickup contact lens;
    research Lasik surgery;
    get rid of coffee, ham, alcohol, and overeating;

[FINANCE]
    upgrade money market saving account;
    cancel macy’s credit card. \$4 fee per month;
    buy oliver black division II field jacket (M) by rag \& bones;
    change the phone plan, 2h;
    cancel Cox. \$97 per month;

[SOCIAL]
    try a new thing, broaden experiences, once a week;
    meet people from MEETUP, REDIT, LINKEDIN;
    go basketball;
    go to econ seminar once a month;

[WORK]
    learn: Corbe, 2h per day, 100hrs;
    MRF: follow up the submission;
    SMI: work out the model, email Liang, 4w;
    MHS: plan for numerical study, position the paper, 2day;
    TQ2: revision, weekly meeting, .5h*3;
    POMS: review, 6h;
    Encro: 1w for editing;
    submit the abstract meeting for POMS in Seattle 1h;
    go through all the printed papers in the garage .5h

[SCHOOL]
    remove the requirement for M239, revise the requirement as capstone type, 4h;
    review hiring, 2h;
    EC meeting, 2 days;
    hiring meeting, 1.20;
    merit:  ask B. to remind silent. The trouble of Rv.;
    ask WSZ PHD in markeitng for lunch/coffee;

REFLECTION 1

I must ask myself the hard question.

At the end of the day, how do you want to be remembered? What is your legacy?

Get real. You know your problem. You had a whole year to pursue what you believe. What is the outcome? Is that what you want?

Be effective. Do what is necessary, not what you like. There are things you hate but necessary. Do it anyway when you have to. You must develop this capacity.

You question now is not how to execute. Rather, given the limited resource, what is your priority? What is your direction?

It boils down to two things, career and family. It’s time to settle down. How should I proceed? You know your choices, CZL, TL, CL. Do you have time for another adventure? You have seen enough. Take the best option. You don’t have much choice left.

So what to do next? Need to execute one by one?

A detour on glamor. You cannot just chase glamor at the expense of other aspects. This has been your main problem.

Glamor is a misleading criterion. Everybody loves glamor. But the real question is, how much would you like to pay for it? Do you really want to put up with all the trouble, for the sake of glamor? Isn’t glamor another variant of vanity?

Maybe I don’t value relations that much? Your behavior is a better prediction of your future. So what makes you truly gratifying?

Raise a kid is worthwhile, if romance is not your destiny. So get real.

To experience it deeply, you must commit. Otherwise, you won’t feel the same. Will reading help me? Maybe. But it won’t be a lot.

In 2016, I can excuse out the plan I committed to. I can take the hardship, whenever necessary. So you have what it takes. The question is, what’s your goal?

You can have all tactics right, but what is your goal? How do you keep your vision?

LEARNING: INFINITE DIMENSIONAL ANALYSIS

LAS FEW DAYS I HAVE BEEN PASSIONATELY WORKING ON THE BOOK BY ALIPRANTIS AND BORDER. FINALLY I FEEL THE JOY AND CHALLENGE OF WORKING ON THE EDGE OF MY CAPACITY. IT GREATLY HELPS ME CONNECT ALL THE DOTS. EVENTUALLY I WANT TO BUILD THE MENTAL FRAMEWORK THAT I CAN EFFORTLESSLY FRAME ANY PROBLEM I FACE. TO ACHIEVE THAT LEVEL OF PERFORMANCE, I NEED TO WORK A BIT HARDER ON LAYING DOWN THE GROUNDWORK.

YEARS OF HARD WORK WOULD NOT BEEN ALL WASTED, IF I CAN PUT THEM TOGETHER AS A RELIABLE SCHEMA FOR ANALYZING FUTURE PROBLEMS. WHAT MATTERS IS NOT THE SPECIFICS OF EACH PROBLEM, BUT RATHER THE ABILITY TO SEE THROUGH THE SPECIFICS AND DECERN THE GENERAL PATTERNS.

FOR TOO LONG, I HAVE BEEN WASTING MY LIFE ON TRIVIALITY, ONLY TO PUBLISH YET ANOTHER GARBAGE FOR LIVING OR PROMOTION. THAT IS IT. FROM NOW I MUST DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THINGS I TRULY VALUE.

2016-06-22 09.20.58

WORK PLAN

I HAVE TWO FOCUSES. THE FIRST IS TO SHARPEN MY ANALYTICAL ABILITY, ESPECIALLY IN MATH, ECONOMICS REASONING, AND WRITING. FOR THIS SUMMER, I NEED TO FINISH THE BOOK INFINITE DIMENSIONAL ANALYSIS (240HRS, 60 DAYS), THEN MOVE TO THE FOLLOWINGS:
PROBABILITY THEORY: A COMPREHENSIVE COURSE, BY KLENKE
ECONOMIC DYNAMICS IN DISCRETE TIME, BY JIANJUN MIAO

THE SECOND IS TO WORK ON THE DYNAMIC MODELS. I HAVE ONE REVISION. IT WILL TAKE TWO WEEKS. THEN I SHOULD MOVE ON TO THE NEW PROJECT ON SALESFORCE. FOR THIS ONE, I WILL USE THE CONTINUOUS METHOD. AFTER FINISHING THESE TWO PROJECTS, I SHOULD BE QUITE COMFORTABLE WITH DESCRIBING DYNAMIC INTEGRATIONS.

NOW I ALSO HAVE THREE TRIVIAL PAPERS TO CLOSE UP. THE FIRST IS THE TRANSPORTATION ONE. I WILL DO A QUICK REVISION AND SEND OUT. IF IT DOES NOT MAKE IT, SO BE IT. I WILL NOT WASTE MORE TIME. THE SECOND IS AO: AGAIN, THIS IS A CUTE BUT TRIVIAL PROJECT. I SPENT ONE MONTH ON IT. BUT I DON’T SEE IT AS SIGNIFICANT. SO CLOSE IT IN A WEEK AND MOVE ON. THE THIRD ONE IS WITH MH AND JS. THIS IS A MEDIOCRE ONE. THE ONLY REASON I AM DOING IT IS BECAUSE MH NEEDS THE PAPER. AND I FEEL OBLIGATED TO RETURN HIS KINDNESS IN SUPPORT MY CASE. NOW JS HAS PROVED THE RESULTS; MH SHOULD WRITE IT UP. EMAIL HIM THE SOFTWARE AND SCHEDULE THE MEETING.

AGAIN, FOCUS ON YOUR TRUE ASPIRATION. THE REST IS SECONDARY.

IMG_5590

WRITING 161: LIVE MY LIFE

EVERYONE IS SELLING SOMETHING. THERE ARE TWO THINGS WE ALL SHARE: SECRETS AND DEATH. I KNOW YOUR SECRETS.

FROM NOW ON, I’LL LIVE MY LIFE, PLAY MY GAMES, AND FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS TO ME. SAY NO TO THE REST.

CALL ME IRRESPONSIBLE. CALL ME ASSHOLE. CALL JERK. CALL ME WHATEVER. I WON’T FEEL GUILTY A BIT. I KNOW YOUR SECRETES. I WON’T CHANGE. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, ALL THAT MATTERS IS MY LIFE. IT IS SUCH A LIBERATING AND EMPOWERING CONVICTION. IT GIVES CLARITY AND FOCUS.

2016-02-19 00.15.05