Cindy

I had a wonderful dinner with Cindy at Ushuaia steakhouse. Intelligent, successful, and graceful, she is one of a few I envy.

The only problem is that she comes as cold, at least some times. I have long been wondering why we did not click. Her new information gave a hint. When our LA gang of eight hanged out in 2008-2009, she and Rae were friends. One day Rae told her if she did not intend to approach me, she will.

Rae is an outgoing girl, the type that I can easily connect with. But Rae and I have never had intimate relationship. To me, Rae is a good buddy. But others don’t see that way. Cindy, even her mom, thought Rae and I were couple.

So Cindy remained distant till Rae went back in 2010. Afterwards, it became even more awkward to hang out with her. We see each other once or twice a year. After all, if neither is willing to make the move, why wasting time?

I have made many mistakes. I don’t know if this is one. But if it were, then its pain may take years to sink in…

 

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PERIOD

Not every story has a happy ending. What we want is dancing together, not just solo. I sensed there was a hint of chemistry during the school reception in DC. Unfortunately, it was not for me. So disappointed…

It was simply beyond what we could endure, no matter how much we loved and tried. Just wish this one could lead to a settling future, for those we loved, for those we suffered…

May you happy!

_________________

I Will Remember You

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Joy

I came across Joy’s home page. It set off my emotion. There are too many memories there, in State College, in my life. True,  this is a sad story that does not have a happy ending.  But that piece of my life would never fade away. It is just there, part of past, part of me…

It may be the best for us just not to contract each other. If there is no result, just leave it as it was, and move on. But deep in my heart, there is always a soft spot for her.

Maybe one day, when both of us get married, we can talk again? How sad that is. But that is the life, the flower bloomed in the wrong season.

Down in the southern California it is always sunny. But are you happy? I don’t know. I just don’t want to think about it. Let life run its course. If there is anything that can makes me happy, it is the work. It is the achievement. The flower had its time.

Moving on…

I couldn’t help crying when I saw the pictures – everything looks so familiar, but now they have been left behind of our lives forever. Remember what is said on the decoration stone that we bought from the flower shop? The one who touches your life will be in your heart forever. I believe that includes places too. No matter how you hate the place, when you leave, you feel that you lose something; because you realize that it is not the place that frustrates you, but what in your heart.

You didn’t know how much I missed you during the past ten months, just as you don’t know how I am going to miss you in the months ahead. Memories and feelings grow with me, actually they grow in me. Before I know, they become part of my body. That’s why when I tried to cut them out, the pain was unbearable, and I realized that I would never, ever be parted with them. I know I need to be strong and positive, but please let me save it to tomorrow, because today, with you flying to a place that is thousands of miles away from me, I am simply vulnerable and sad.